Wired for Love: A Neuroscientist's Journey Through Romance, Loss, and the Essence of Human Connection was a strange blend of neuroscience, self-help, and memoir. I heard it recommended on a favorite podcast--Marriage Therapy Radio--and picked it up. The author, Stephanie Cacioppo studied romantic connection and what happens to and in the brain when we are in love. Mirror neurons are important.
The book is engaging and readable, but also challenging. Cacioppo's own love story feels unexplored. She doesn't include conflicts or problems, and says several times that everyone envied her and husband's relationship. She may be correct, but I'm sceptical.
I'm glad to have read the book and I am challenged to love well and seek connection. I like that she gives practical steps of care. I give it four hearts out of five.
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Here is a video of Stephanie Cacioppo discussing her work: watch
Here is a quote from the book summarizing her recommendations:
“G-R-A-C-E, GRACE, is an acronym for how an individual can take care of their social b"dy, even during periods of isolation, when the love network is powered down and we are particularly susceptible to the dangers of loneliness. GRACE stands for gratitude, reciprocity, altruism, choice, and enjoyment.”
― Wired for Love: A Neuroscientist's Journey Through Romance, L"ss, and the Essence of Human Connection
Undefended Love by Jett Psaris, PH.D. and Marlena S. Lyons, PH.D. was recommended to me by a therapist. We had often talked about how do people effect change within themselves and as a couple. This book fits well with Brené Brown's advocacy of embracing vulnerability. It draws from actual couple interactions. This makes change feel possible. I read this book over several months a bit at a time. It gives much information, examples, and exercise. I think it will have a lasting impact on how I interact with others and the story I tell myself about relationships.
The book has a Bhuddist view of the world that I don't share, but it contained well thought out, helpful information. It is hard to find, but worth reading.
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After reading two books on connecting, I would like to feel I've solved THAT problem, but because I'm ever changing and so are the people I love, I constantly need to update my skills. My internal relationship GPS will never coo, "You have arrived." I find it helpful to keep trying to love better and with more understanding because people, especially Dear Husband, are worth the effort and struggle. We fight on!
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